why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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