Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the raccoons are back...
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