And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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