I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
