I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
