The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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