dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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