i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
