my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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