I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
don't judge my taste in strippers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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