Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
