is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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