You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
