Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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