OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
