laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The feeling are messing with the penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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