so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
