Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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