Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
