All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
