That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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