Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
foreskin is a definite game changer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
