you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
