So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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