A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
