Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
