I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
