but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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