Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
