I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
