he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
