Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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