i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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