So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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