She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
