I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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