he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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