tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
