I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
