next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
