Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
