My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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