Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
