I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was born a porn star she said
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
