i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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