she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
