I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
