I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
