I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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