i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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