70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
