I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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