God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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