if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
