some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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